god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
