Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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