how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
