how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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