Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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