I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize