I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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