a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
