you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
