Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
