I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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