i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Still dying that you shit outside
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize