Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
