and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
