Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
