All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
