I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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