this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
