Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
