Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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