Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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