Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
