to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
