I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
