69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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