I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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