i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
