is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
