youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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