The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
