i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
