epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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