I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
