If i come over, it means nothing
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
