i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
