I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
