sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
