so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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