WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
