is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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