Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
