I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize