He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
