Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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