Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
