Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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