32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
