If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
