I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
