I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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