We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
