They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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