I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
