ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
