Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
