4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
