I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
