Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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