Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
