Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
