Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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