there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
