I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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