My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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