I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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